Managing Your EX Relationship

There are many kinds of endings in life. We endure the end of life with death, the end of a marriage with divorce, and the end of pregnancy with birth. While these are all different kinds of endings, what they all share in common is the change that comes in the aftermath of the ending, ultimately a new beginning.

One of the biggest changes that come with the end of a marriage is the couple’s relationship. Regardless of the struggles that existed in the relationship pre-divorce, most divorcing couples have a tendency to treat their Ex in the same way they had when they together.

Here are some of the common mistakes divorcing couples can make when trying to manage their Ex relationship:

Continuing to Relate as a Married Couple
Marriage presumes intimacy, loyalty, priority and support. Many couples assume that these relational qualities remain after a divorce. It’s hard to face the harsh reality that someone you once loved, and loved you is no longer your “go to” person. This is one of the most painful losses of divorce, the loss of someone who you presumed would be there no matter what.

Sharing Personal Information
It may seem natural to share you most intimate secrets with your Ex since this is what you did throughout your marriage. Talking with your Ex about your dating, a new partner or even how you are spending your time is not necessary nor productive. Finding more appropriate outlets for sharing is an integral part of moving on from divorce and managing your Ex relationship.

Acting as Enemies
On the flip side many people forget the value of what they shared with their Ex while they were married and only see the negative aspects of the person they once loved. Extended negative interaction could cause irrepairable damage to the relationship and the children. Whether your goal is to never see or speak to your Ex again, or you have to endure your Ex because you have children, managing the relationship in a healthy, productive way is in everyone’s best interest.

Expecting Actions and Behaviors that Never Existed in the First Place
Expecting your Ex to behave in ways that they did when you were married is a set up for failure and disappointment. Unrealistic expectations lead to feeling let down and frustrated, which in turn leads to unproductive and negative interactions. Realizing that your Ex has no obligation to treat you the same way he/she did when you were married will help you to set realistic expectations. Additionally, expecting that your Ex will suddenly change from how they treated you during your marriage to treating you better is also unrealistic.

Please tell your friends about the Divorce Detox Blog, the go to source for information about the separation and divorce transition. You will be helping others and at the same time growing our community.

Leave A Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.