Learning to Flirt Again After Divorce
As intimidating as it is to re-enter the dating world after divorce, it is more intimidating to begin to flirt again. For most people experiencing divorce, it has most likely been years since flirting, and it can be nerve wracking to consider flirting openly again. Thankfully, flirting still maintains the same principals as it did years ago.
The first thing to remember in flirting after divorce is that flirting is a harmless way to gauge another person’s interest in conversing with you. You are not committing to a lifelong connection or even a date. You are simply deciding in a few moments whether you may enjoy this person’s company. If you both like each other, you may continue to flirt and eventually talk. If you don’t like the person, you may simply end the conversation politely and walk away.
So, if you are ready for some harmless flirting, you can glance at the person and smile. If s/he glances back and smiles as well, you may approach. Introduce yourself, maintain eye contact for a few moments and be sure to smile. Offer a simple, open-ended observation such as, “Isn’t this weather wonderful?” Let the conversation go in any direction, but make sure you pay attention to what the other person is saying.
Your gut instinct will be your best indication of how the flirting is going, yet sometimes nerves or insecurities can get in your way of making a proper assessment. Body language plays an important role in flirting and can be quite revealing. Some cues that your subject would like to continue flirting are:
* Turning their body toward you
* Touching your arm
* Maintaining eye contact
More obvious flirts may throw their head back as they laugh, play with their hair or lick their lips. More shy flirts may look down, fidget or shift their weight, but they will continue to maintain an interest in speaking to you. If you both continue the conversation without encountering negative cues, your subject is most likely interested.
As you flirt, smile often and keep the conversation light. Talk about the weather, a hobby, sports, etc. Do not get too personal. Questions about religion, children, past relationships and emotions are not typically welcome in flirting.
Extended flirting indicates interest. At this point, indicate that you would like to get to know him/her and request their phone number or request a date. This is the hard part of flirting for a lot of people because you are actually risking rejection. However, if you have been flirting with the person for a while, your risk is pretty minimal. On the other hand, if the person is not interested, you still gained some good flirting practice.
If at any point you sense that your subject has lost interest, it is possible. Look for the following non-verbal cues of disinterest:
* Looking around
* Crossing arms
* No longer smiling
* Redirecting the center of the body away from you
If you encounter any of these cues, you may simply state it was nice getting to know them or say that you see someone across the room you need to speak to. In any case, be polite and make your exit.
From Fear to Fun
Many of Divorce Detox’s clients find (at first) the thought of flirting to be daunting, yet after a little practice, they discover that flirting as an adult is much easier than as a teen. With all the confidence gained in adulthood, flirting is often surprisingly fun.
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