Gay Men’s Relationship Recovery Group
Committing to Moving On
Individuals going through breakups have to make a pivotal choice. They are either going to stay stuck in the past making their dating habits a way of life or they are going to let go and move forward into a new and better future. Creating a vision for the future and what it means to move on is the first step in the process.
Laying A New Foundation
Relationships and breakups can be confusing, disorienting and unsettling. Everything that was once safe and secure is up in the air, so laying down new groundwork is an essential step in moving forward. Positive and longstanding change stems from a solid foundation of knowledge, support and self-care.
Understanding Your Emotions
While every person’s experience and relationship is unique, there are some universal feelings that are normal during relationships and breakups. Knowing what is normal and having an idea of what to expect can smooth the transition and ease some of the unnecessary suffering.
Establishing Healthy Boundaries
Your relationship transition is one of the most vulnerable experiences you will endure. Protecting yourself and knowing how to deal with your outer world will greatly improve your experience during this fragile time. Dealing with your ex, family, friends, colleagues and the general public in a healthy and productive way is paramount to your recovery.
Shifting the Breakup Perspective
False beliefs are limiting and can get in the way of seeing reality clearly. We are all raised with specific ideas and fantasies about relationships, many of which do not serve us during a breakup. Understanding one’s truth and sorting through what is false leads to clarity and a greater ability to move forward.
Self-Reflection and Accountability
Reviewing your relationship and what led to its dissolution is essential in moving on. It is also important to do this to avoid making the same mistakes in a new relationship going forward. Through self-reflection and accountability, you can uncover and take responsibility for how you contributed to your breakup so you can gain the wisdom and self-knowledge you need to move forward in a healthy way.
The greatest pain of breakup stems from the many layers of loss inherent in this experience. Becoming aware of the losses associated with your breakup opens you up to being able to grieve them so you can let go and move on. Properly grieving is crucial for full recovery. Any residue of the past will be carried forward and will contaminate your future.
This is one of the hardest concepts when it comes to recovery and one of the most fundamental. Once you master self-forgiveness, you will have access to a profound tool that you will use throughout your lifetime. Forgiveness is freedom; not forgiving yourself keeps you stuck in the pain and anger.
Fully moving on from a breakup requires completion of the relationship to your ex. Even if you are still in contact, your breakup signifies the death of the relationship you had with your ex when you were together. Specific action steps need to be taken to complete this relationship and to put closure to any open wounds or memories.
It is essential to create a new life plan after a breakup, when the time is right. Re-discovering who you are and creating a new identity are important aspects of moving into a new and better life. Getting to know yourself again, experimenting with life, dating and spending time alone are some examples of ways to move into this new phase of life.