Learning From Elisabeth Moss and Fred Armisen: A Divorce After 10 Months of Marriage
Elisabeth Moss and Fred Armisen made their split official by filing for divorce last week. Only married for 10 months, Moss and Armisen’s split can only make us wonder if divorce is any less painful when the marriage was for a short time. When couples like Al and Tipper Gore or John and Elizabeth Edwards decide to divorce, the public response is generally disappointment and surprise, because the longevity of those marriages made them appear more tragic and devastating. Moss and Armisen are portrayed as just another Hollywood divorce that didn’t make it due to busy work schedules and careers that require a long distance relationship.
Just as time doesn’t heal the pain of divorce, the time a couple is married does not determine the level of pain experienced. Each divorce story is unique, yet there are many universal feelings that surface with divorce that almost everyone has to work through on some level. Here are a few of them:
Divorce embodies loss regardless of the length of the marriage, and loss most often equates with pain and heartbreak. Friends, finances, a home, pets, and time with children are all possible losses experienced with divorce regardless of how long the marriage lasted.
Failure is a common feeling after divorce. Irrespective of how much time was invested, not succeeding at something can be hard to swallow. Everyone likes to be triumphant, but as we know marriages often fail, and it’s not uncommon to take divorce personally.
Divorce is the end of a relationship, and with any ending there is a beginning. While the length of a divorce may determine the depth of change, starting a new and different life is necessary and important part of divorce recovery for everyone.
Divorce is very often accompanied by regret. It’s common to feel like a marital partner was a bad choice when a marriage ends in divorce, and this can lead to losing trust in the self. Choosing the right partner is complicated and entails more than just gut instinct, so building back confidence in decision-making comes with increased self awareness insight.
Divorce doesn’t discriminate when it comes to broken hearts, pain and despair. Categorizing a divorce based on the length of the marriage, the age of each partner at the time of divorce, or why the divorce happened is irrelevant on many levels. Regardless of the length of a marriage, moving through the pain instead of avoiding it is necessary for divorce recovery so past mistakes are not repeated in the future.
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