Talking about your divorce can be problematic. Many stumble from over-sharing or feel trapped, not being able to share at all. Below are some pointers to help you talk about your divorce. Remember, you have the power to say as little or as much as you’d like in any situation and you can stop the conversation at any time by changing the subject.
Talking About Your Divorce
- Your words are your own. Know that you have the choice to say as much or as little as you want about your divorce. You decide what and how much you want to say.
- Don’t talk smack about your ex! Keep the focus on you – your feelings, experiences, and growth. Saying negative things about your ex will keep you stuck in the past.
- Social media and divorce do not mix. In fact, it can be dangerous and even damaging. Pause broadcasting your private life during divorce. Nearly all divorce cases that go to court in the US rely upon evidence taken from Facebook, Twitter, email and other social platforms.
- Keep your language positive. The words we use are quite revealing. When you speak about your divorce, do so with integrity.
- Keep it simple and short. In most situations, a brief statement about your divorce is all that’s necessary. Rather than rehashing the past, ground yourself in the present.
Fear can be paralyzing, especially in the uncharted waters of divorce. Here are five dos and don’t to help you navigate your fears. You can overcome and have a happy and healthy future.
5 Dos and Don’ts of Fear
Do accept your fears.
Don’t let fears paralyze you.
Do get to know your fears.
Don’t avoid them.
Do learn how to overcome your fears.
Don’t let fears prevent you from living a great life.
Do acknowledge that fears reside in your mind, not in the now.
Don’t be afraid to distance yourself from people who live in fear.
Do base your decisions on evidence.
Don’t let fears control you.
For many, some sort of relationship with your ex exists beyond divorce. Whether you have children, business interests, or other things in common after divorce, you may have to confront a new love interest in your ex’s life. Below are five tips to help you interact with the new other and maintain your personal integrity.
- Accept and Move On: The first step in maintaining a relationship with the new person in your ex’s life is to accept that your marriage has ended and acknowledge that both of you are moving on. Release yourself from the past to find peace in the present.
- Act with Integrity: Make kindness your language. If you find your temperature rising, excuse yourself and take a breather. You cannot take back anything said in anger or from cruelty. Often, children will be watching. Act as a role model of good behavior.
- Maintain Boundaries: As your relationship grows, maintain boundaries with the new person in your ex’s life. You don’t need to discuss details your relationships (past and present). Keep to safe, cordial topics.
- Use a Buffer: For family gatherings and holidays you might want to bring a friend to be by your side. This person will help keep things amicable and cool while you adapt to your new normal.
- Experiment with Having Fun: This might not be what you expected, but it’s the life you have. Have fun and enjoy those in your life for all of their positive traits. When you get too negative about any one person, list a few things that are good about them. Shape your own thinking.
Dating After Divorce
- Use an online dating service or a matchmaker to help you find people you have connections with. Dating gets better with experience.
- Meet people first casually. Expose yourself to many “types”, especially the ones you aren’t normally attracted to. Dating is about finding the right person; it rarely happens over night. Have fun socializing with your new contacts.
- Avoid sexual intimacy at the beginning stages of dating. Sex is very emotionally charged for many people. Keep dating light by taking sex off the table – to start.
- Take care of yourself. Eat right, exercise and get a full night’s sleep. Do activities that bring you happiness. A well-rounded person is more interesting to date.
- Remember that dating is fun. Keep it easy and light with safe topics. If you aren’t having a good time, move on to the next person. You are free to pursue who you are interested now.
Feeling Depressed? Look Up
- Making connections with others will help you feel better about yourself and the world around you. Remember, you are not alone. Join a local club or group if you are having trouble making connections.
- Eat well and exercise when you are feeling blue. Exercise and healthy food release happy chemicals in your brain. Treat your body nicely for the reward of happiness.
- Be sure to take a break. Sometimes, we get so caught up in our everyday work that we forget to take time for ourselves. Give yourself a break and allow your mind to recharge.
- Ask for help. If you have been feeling down for a while, be sure check in with a professional. A fresh perspective help bring clarity.
- Start listing the things that you’re thankful for in life. List two or three things each morning and be grateful for them. Watch your perspective change.